The other night I thought about this quote and how it applies to my life. I suppose it’s normal to have a few “dark nights of the soul” and that through these “dark nights”, one can reflect inward and try to objectively understand from whence they came and observe the forward path they are to follow. It also helps to have some sort of support in doing so.
And I do. My fiancée is one of those people who is capable of speaking harsh truths in a gentle way. So when I voiced my thoughts to her regarding “that which I’ve failed to do”, she asked me, with a puzzled look on her face, “So why don’t you just do it?”
In What About Bob?, there is a rather humorous scene regarding baby steps. The point is that baby steps are just as important, if not more important than the “big picture”, as they’ll help to keep one on track toward one’s goals. Audrey (my Fiancée), being the detail-oriented one in the relationship, told me to make a list of all that I’d like to do with my life, complete with the baby steps necessary to complete my goals. The next step then, would be to do them.
Duh. If it really were THAT easy. And I suppose that it really is. The only thing making goals hard to accomplish are the people who are trying to accomplish those goals. Aside from the “self-talk” that occurs (which one can do something about by telling themselves to STFU), there really isn’t much standing in one’s way.
Sure, there will be the outside naysayers. Be they family, friends, acquaintances or strangers, one doesn’t need to listen to them or be associated with them if they do nothing but demolish the dreams of the individual.
Sometimes one needs to take chances in order to complete one’s goals. The chances might be risky. Very risky in fact, if one’s goals include breaking the world speed record (Richard Hammond of Top Gear) or doing something incredibly stupid, like moving to Canada and living with Grizzly bears (Grizzly Man) to prove that Grizzly Bears are not man killers. (By the way, they are).
My goals don’t involve testing the limits of drag racers equipped with jet engines (but that would be fun) or testing the food choices of wild animals, but certainly there exist risks that need to be addressed prior to taking the steps necessary to accomplish my goals and I realize that the effects of these risks will not only impact my life, but Audrey’s life as well, for better or worse.
And that, I think, is what is holding me back. Well, that and fear.
To be honest, I don’t think that it’s fear of personal failure. A wise man once said that one only fails when they give up, and I refuse to accept anything less than success in obtaining my goals. I just don’t want to make life harder for Audrey and my future family than it needs to be, and my the goals I have set for myself are none too simple. Let’s just say that I don’t set the bar too low and I don’t make things easy for myself.
One of the goals is to adventure. To disappear for a while, maybe across the pond. Pick up a language or two, whilst traveling and “obtaining some culture”. To do so though, would I have to abandon the life I’ve set up here? Certainly, I’d have to accept the unknown. And I would have to ask Auds to do the same. This then, brings me to some questions. Is this fair to Audrey? Would she be willing to do so?
Both answers (I know because I have asked) are yes. (And, “Hurry up and do it, because I’ve set some goals on the back burner so yours can be accomplished.”) But I still feel some consternation.
Fear of the unknown is, to me, one of the most annoying things in the world. It’s annoying because there’s not really anything one can do about it. It’s a problem that needs to be solved, but there’s nothing to fix. It’s just there, silently prodding me like an invisible toddler who wants me to get out of bed before the sun comes up. You can try to ignore it, but it’ll just prod harder.
And just picking up and leaving leaves a lot of unknowns. There’s no algebraic equation to solve them either. We’d be into calculus, which is not a subject I enjoyed very much. I’ll just need to do it, and take the consequences in stride. Accept them for what they are, and move on… which is what I normally do anyway.
The next step for that goal, then, would be to save a bit of money, buy some plane tickets and say Tschüss to american society for a while. The question that action leaves me with then, is “when”.
That brings me to another couple of goals, because I’ll need a complete timeline, detailing the “due dates”, and organizing them in a manageable fashion.
As one can tell from my prior post, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life driving an econobox. I want a supercar (even better: hypercar) for my daily driver. That’s expensive. (And maybe a bit childish, I admit– though I don’t care.) I’m not just talking about just the initial purchase of $150k-$1.5mm. I’m talking about the residuals: insurance on these things is higher than the astronomical maintenance costs. Gas would become quite expensive too, especially when considering the car for use as a daily driver. I really would pass everything except a gas station.
This means I’ll need a lot of money and a position at a job that pays better than the one I currently have. That position will also have to be incredibly flexible, allowing me to travel the world while making money. Sounds like a very well paid travel writer to me. Or one better: a job with Top Gear, driving stupidly fast and fun cars in order to write reviews for their magazine and website (pipe dreams…). That way, I wouldn’t have to worry about the extraordinary costs of the cars. I’d drive them for the day, give them back when the gas gauge reads empty and write about the exhilarating experience, detailing what it’s like to drive a car most people will never sit inside or even see in real life. And I’d be paid for it.
Certainly, there are other goals I’ve got set for myself, but traveling the world, being paid to drive supercars in all types of exotic locales is the main one. Whether it’s really a pipe dream or not, I don’t know. I’ll just go about it the Nike way and find out.
Any tips, in the mean time, would be appreciated.